i dont know what happened to me, but today i really get confused, and i've been thinking all day and i still get confused. Why something like this happened to me again and i couldn't stop it even it's been a long time
today i woke up bout 6.30 am, as usually my lover call me, but because he has lots work to do he called me just bout 45 minutes, after i hung up his phone i go back to sleep again cos i still feel sleepy. and i had that dream, i dream bout my sun. after all this time i still miss him and love him even he always breaking my heart again and again for the last 7 years.. can you believe it, 7 years and i can't stop loving him.
in that dream, i saw him, i can't believe i still remember his face even i never see his picture and i never saw him for 6 years, but i still remember how he looked like. and he always around me, watching my moved, follow me wherever i go, even i ignore him. he looked me just like he need my help, his eyes told me that even his lips keep in silent
and when i woke up, i can't stop thinking bout him all this day. i waited for him on Yahoo Messenger until he showed. and i asked him if he is fine, he said he is fine, he asked me to and asked me to keep my healthy but i ignore all of his question, after i'm sure that he is fine, i deleted his account again on my messenger list, i don't want to see him if he is on line.
the funny thing bout this,i feel like what Tommy Page sings bout his song "TIME" is true, he said to me exactly like that lyric. it said :
you told me time will always heal the pain
bring the sun and dry the rain
we need time to solve and think our problems through
you told me time is always on my side
to turn the season, change the tide
things work out with time if you want them to
why can time makes me stop
loving you
Oh God, please help me to forget him...
Friday, January 8, 2010
confused
Thursday, January 7, 2010
my lovely day
after 2 weeks i never met him, after 6 days i couldn't connect to internet, after thousand hours deep in my heart i felt miss him so..finally he came to my house this morning..
he looked healthy, he said he's missing me and think bout me all the time since the last time we met, and then we made love hardly and full of passion at first time, like we never made love before, our sex never feel better and passion before.
and then he told me bout his journey to Semarang, how tired he was and couldn't stop his mind to thinking bout me, from 8 am to 3 pm we made love 4 times..
he is good in sex, but at first he put his penis into mine i always felt hurt, i felt like my vagina or the bone getting smaller even i'm not a virgin any more.
sometime i wish i can share my stories bout that with someone, but in here it's still a taboo for a woman like me made love before married.so all i can do is keep it in silent.
but after all, i really feel today is my lovely day... i can pamper him all the time cos he like to be pamper and i like to pamper him, i rub his back, stroking his hair, message him from head to toe, and play with his penis as long as i can until he came.
gosh i never realize that i love him badly...
Friday, January 1, 2010
1st day in 2010
it's sucks...even my cousins come and stay in my home but i felt so lonely.. I miss my lover and he didn't reply my sms at all...
at 2 am my cousins felt a sleep soundly...yup they are so soundly so i cant sleep at all, they snored all night. i usually sleep alone and quietly, but when they were in here.. my room become so narrow and my space was only got 1 meter for sleep, dammed...
in the morning, the situation not getting better either... i already got slept at 2 pm and at 3 pm must woke up coz my brother came and disturbing me...
huh...what a hard day on 1st year...but at last i get my own time and can do some writing in here...happy new year...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
09 to 10
it's an hour to new year 2010, but my heart still full of sorrow and sadness.. Tobe honest i hate new year eve... It's reminds me bout my mom. My mom pass away in new year eve 1995..
December 31st 1994 at 11.00 PM.. She passed away because of disease, she got stroke and diabetes.. she got sick almost a year before passed away.. and at the time she passed away i didn't feel that she's gone
I watched my favorite models on tv at that day... i scream when i saw them, i couldn't feel she's struggling to live at the hospital and finally give up, leave me and my brother alone..
Since that time i always felt sorry for her, i always wish that i could spend my new year eve alone just to remind her and send her a pray.. I hope she listen to me and give me her apologise..
To mom, even you are not here with me again, but you always on my dream, in my mind and heart, i always love you and i'm sorry for all the naughty that made you sad.. I love you MOM...
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Dilemma
i've been promise to my self, to him too that i won't be greedy. i know that he already had a family but i can't help what i feel with him, that i love him, that i miss him, and that i don't want him to go to Semarang...
it is -2 to new year, tomorrow is new year eve.. i know that i really can't have him in new year eve, but at least i want to talk to him at that night, i want to give him a kiss just by phone, but it's only a dream...
and all i can do is wish u well honey, i hope u will arrive at Semarang with your Family and you can come home safely in Jakarta... I miss you honey and i cant wait to hold you in my arms again, we make love wildly again...